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Butterscotch Shenanigans Forums • View topic - Crashlands pitch

Crashlands pitch

Talk about Crashlands with your fellow players here! NOT for advice and help.

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I like it. I'd probably make mention of the ... size?.... aspect of the game (100s of NPCs with sidequests to guide you/keep you occupied for hours, or make you own path through the wilderness/frolic through the tundra and do your own thing)... because the only thing that worries me about the description is "Eh, RPG"... I know you said "open-world", but most people won't read/understand that. I think it's one of the big selling points of the game - that there IS an "ultimate goal" for working on the quests, but the fact that you can go and do your own thing at your own pace is something that really needs the emphasis. People are going to want to know that they can stray off the path if they want to and that this isn't just going to be a "point a -> b -> c -> boss -> done" RPG game. If that makes any sense?

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Way better! That would definitely have me looking into it more if I didn't already know about it. Gives you a good idea of what the world offers, and what you can expect. You have clear goals and an available storyline, without being limited purely to it and making it known that it's more than just a linear plot.

It does, however, seem to need an ending. I assume that after that will be tacked on credits or something? Links on where to find more, etc?

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Ha! I forgot the context.

A pitch like this would be bundled inside the store page of the game, with a press email, or with an award-ceremony entry. So someone is looking directly at the place they need to to get the game and find links to all our other stuff.

Thanks for the thoughts! :D

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Hey!
This is pretty good but too long for people (I think)!

Got some class about how to make a pitch:
- 3 lines max
- Hero's presentation
- Hero's objective/goal
- What goes in the hero's way (try to avoid classical "BUT..." or stuff like that)

From what I understood.
So your pitch would be too long. In fact, it should almost be as long as the short descriptions in the Google Play store :)

My suggestion would be a really short pitch (well, a pitch) followed with a longer description (the one you wrote two posts higher)

EDIT:
"Play as Flux Dabes, a shipment transportation chief who was supposed to deliver stuff - if it weren't for Hewgodooko, a chin-strapped alien menace."
Or something like that? (I'm not even sure my sentences MAKE SENSE). But apparently this is somewhat how you're supposed to do a pitch, from my understanding of a teacher.

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Yeah, in this case the thing you'd classically call a one-line pitch is just the first line. That's what'd likely be displayed in various storefronts and things - our analysis of steams storefronts that sell well suggested that getting the mechanical/genre ideas of the game across up-front was the best way to go, followed by more depth on story/world/what's different.

Thanks for the feedback!

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Personally I like the second pitch far better, it's more to the point about what's going on. However, I kind of think even in the short intro could use a louder attention grabber. I don't always care for the all caps, but even something along the lines of,

'SHUT UP AND LOOK AT THE GAME THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE! Think about everything that makes an rpg or a crafting game.....and throw it out the window. (insert the part about the crafting, fighting, etc that I can't remember off the top of my head). You'll do all that as you make your way through the infinite world of Crashlands with an artistic edge you can't help but love.'

Or at least something along those lines, that may be a little lengthy, but mainly I think a loud attention getter would be useful to stand out from what is gonna be loads of descriptions fighting for people's eyes. And the other thing would be to somehow mention the art you guys use. So few studios have such a true artistic edge as you guys bring to your games, people should know they should play it even if it was just to enjoy the art. Definitely keep the part about the sass though, it brings more character and life to the description :)

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